Welcome to the SCTCorp "Delta Phase" site.
This web-verse is under heavy construction.
first off, imagine all this were replaced by an introductory video:
SexaConglomoTechCorp Wants Everyone!
Newsflash! God still dead! The mystery remains unsolved! Holding out hope He might pull another resurrection but frustrated by the state of the Earth due to their bungled administration, the host of heaven has had an estate sale! Perhaps God would come back for His stuff! While the meek were due to inherit the earth, unfortunately none of them stepped forward to claim it! Yes, the whole universe up for grabs! But in a move no one could predict, popular time-traveling party-mechanoid CHRONOTRONO! has grabbed the whole she-bang!
What is the Chronotrono? Only the funnest time-traveler ever! A time-space-miscelleneous dimension crossing robot entrepreneur FROM A TIME FAR MORE HILARIOUS THAN OUR OWN. He strolled farther reaches of space than anyone had bothered to notice, skinny-dipped into the deepest secrets of time, and skipped merrily (but still remained quite deadly) through both parallel and perpendicular universes, to build condos in the spaces between spaces: Where Knowledge is TreasureTM - which meant Chronotrono could really stick it to those fucks! Making a fortune managing time-shares in some amazing senses of that idea, he heard Nietzsche had announced God's death, so Chronotrono went knock knock knockin' on heaven's door with an offer the grieving hosts couldn't refuse!
Now the whole frickety-fricked universe is under new management: Chronotrono's QUASI-MILITARY COMPANY, SEXACONGLOMOTECHCORP! Chronotrono has vowed that HIS universe will be getting its act together thanks to its SIX (prefixed "sexa-") DIVISIONS: Cosmic Maintainence! Temporal Security! Universe Storage and Backup! Sentient Resource Management! Reality Expansion and Development! And Ma's + Pop's novelty/hardware/snack shops! Working together for sextuple redundancy, sextuple the fun! (Look for our symbol in the sky - the sexagon! (formerly known as the hexagon.))
And in his first step - bringing his companies' time, money, and (as he must fulfill God's Duties) soul-saving ways to a dimensional domain near you! So with his mysterious device code-named the "5D DREAM-RIMJOBBER" he's reached from BEYOND TIME AND SOCIAL MORES to contact the schizo-frenetic mind of once mere comedy writer Jim Trapp - making him Acting Vice-President, charged with the enterpirse of opening a SexaConglomoTechCorp franchise MA'S + POP's in the early twenty-first century to serve as your friendly neighborhood super-cafe!
SexaConglomoTechCorp is an economic/artistic/scientific venture unlike any in history - this universe's first alternate reality company, a joint venture between mortal man and eternal Chronotrono, together vowing to provide services and goods (and occasional well-placed evils) that will help meet our short-term corporate goal: to make the world a 10% better place.
Imagine if Skynet, instead of sending back in time killer androids, had the werewithal and SHEER STYLE to simply open a chain of charming restaurants! Also - it does not want to kill us all! No... it WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH OUR MOTHERS! And there's no shame to admit - our mothers will want it to! So powerful as to WARP REALITY AND FICTION, some believe the Chronotrono is born beyond the coming technological singularity when no man today can imagine to imagine what the eff is going to holy god oh holy god eff in fricketily what the fudged future! Others say he is from an entirely different universe! Others say he is a universe! Jim Trapp said he yelled that part too loud he couldn't quite hear it but he thought maybe he said "something about peanut butter" it was probably a metaphor and now he's afraid to ask again!
But taking over as effective Lord of his own wherever whenever, he's reached into Jim Trapp's sleeping, hurting mind to extend his business RIGHT HERE, BABY, RIGHT NOW!
So prepare for the future of history... or history of the future... or however you want to slice it - because SexaConglomoTechCorp is starting tomorrow today! Specifically, the Chronotrono's tomorrow! A tomorrow which is tired of waiting! The massive changes in divine legalities after such a purchase still being prepared, SexaConglomoTechCorp doesn't officially takes over management of Creation until:
8AM Dec 21, 2012!
Yes... the last day of the Mayan calendar! Who do you think told those guys!? Just in time for last minute Christmas shopping!
Thus, Jim Trapp's task - and the current task of this webspace - is merely to open one hyper-dimensional node of this cabinet of wonders somewhere upon the earth by that date. Who knows what else may transpire? Only the Chronotrono! And it rarely tells, lest the paradoxes of fate blow our minds to the moon! Perhaps for all you know you yourself, mere web surfer, may be drawn into this plans... if you read on!
Dare you? DARE YOU!?